RECOVERY

Every time I want to recover,
Ana slaps me in the fucking face.
For that split second,
I want to gain to 105,
be healthy, able to breathe,
not be freezing 24/7,
and not lose my hair.
But then I look at myself,
and I cry. I can't deal with it.
I want to be WORSE.
I love it.
It's so bad, but I love it...
sometimes I wanna die,
and dying from starvation?
It just sounds beautiful.
So alive, so thrilling, so beautiful.