THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

Yeah, you heard.
I'm bloated, my appetite is up,
major mood swings...
etc..
I hate this.
I'm in sooo much pain,
...I just want to sleep.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING FULL.

FOOD PORN.

I fucking binged.
I haaaaaaateeeeee myself.

Welllp:
I've had turkey, mac n cheese, chilli cheese dogs with mustard and ketchup,
cereal w/ vitamin D milk (wow), cereal bar... etc....... now i'm drinking a diet pepsi.
What am I gonna doooo?!

JUST AS ALWAYS

I didn't eat yesterday.
I didn't eat breakfast or lunch today.
But because of family/girlfriend, I'm having dinner.
I won't be able to stop.
Fuck.
Oh well, another fast perhaps tomorrow?

NOV 28.

Today, I ate nothing.
Toooo proud.

CRY.

I can't stop crying...
I feel my face burning.
I feel like i'm drowning;
the bitter taste of tears
choking me as I weep.
I want to bleed
I can't-
it's been months since I have.
Relapse isn't the answer.
....oh, fuck it.
It's okay, Raechel. Just this once.

RED.

Hunger is strength.
Why am I weak?
I love to feel hungry,
but then I give in.
I will eat one simple thing,
then I don't stop.
That's why i hate eating.
I write R's on top of my hands;
they stand for red.
Red is ana. Ana is my savior.
So when I try to eat,
I will look at my hands
and I will hear her whisper,
Don't give up. You're so close.